It's OK to Change: The Ever-Evolving Runner

Photo by Matt Roy as part of my lululemon ambassador photo shoot in 2017/8.

When I started running nearly 10 years ago, less was more: less needed to be done to prepare for a run, less needed to be done to recover from a run, and running more in less time was the goal. Today, more is more for me: more needs to be done to prepare for a run, more time is needed on the run, more needs to be done to recover from a run, and running more in less time requires more effort and intention.

I’m not going to lie, this shift from less-is-more to more-is-more has been a hard one because running and maintaining the ability to run, in general, requires more time now. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for the ability to run, but I do catch myself missing those days of waking up and moving with little prep. I miss those days of running gains and PRs, even though I know that PRs come often in the early days of running because of one’s newness to the sport. I miss those days of not wondering if I am doing enough strength training or stretching to support my level of running. Basically, I miss those days where I didn’t have to think too hard about running. But most things are easier in those honeymoon days, right?

I don’t stay in those missing feelings too long because when I fell in love with running, I knew I was falling in love with running forever. I just didn’t know what being in a long-term relationship with running entailed or how I would have to shift and change to keep the relationship strong and moving forward. More prep, more time, and more recovery are all part of being in an evolving relationship with running for the long haul.

This time has required a lot of self-awareness when it comes to negative self-talk and reflection over WHY I run. I talked about my WHY in another post, so I won’t go on about it again, but if my true goal is to run for as long as I physically can, then I need to give my relationship with running permission to change. In fact, I need to allow it to change because change is the one constant I can’t get away from no matter how hard I try. I also need to show myself a ton more grace because I know I am a stronger runner today than I was in those move-fast-get-PRs days.

To show you how evolving this relationship with running needs to be, I’ll share that during a run earlier this week I asked myself, “Are PR days behind me?” I know it’s not for a lack of physically being able to do it; it’s because my relationship to getting a PR has changed. What motivates me to run is not a fast finish time (that’s just a cherry, at this point) and getting a PR isn’t the main reason I race anymore (I race to feel joy). I know this to be my truth, but I question the validity of it when one of the things that hooked me in the first place was seeing finish time “improvement” and I almost feel lost not having that guidepost anymore. Let’s also not forget that the culture of running is still very much rooted in “fast” paces and finish times.

Who am I as a runner if I am not trying to improve my pace or set a new PR? Who am I as a runner if I participate in races with the sole intention of having the most fun? Who am I as a runner if maintaining my current running fitness is pushing me out of my comfort zone because of everything else I do to maintain my current running fitness? The answer to these questions is that I am still me, maybe even more me than the me that would be running with the weight expectation toward someone else’s goals. No one other than me is in this particular relationship with running; why am I letting other people’s relationships with running take away from the true nature of my relationship with running? That’s the million-dollar question right there.

Being in relationship with running requires a lot of checking in with oneself. During that same run where I asked about my PR days, I settled on the idea that it’s ok to lose your way and find a different way back home because the beauty of life and running is that there are always multiple ways to get to the same destination. I deserve more than being boxed into one way of being a runner and running deserves more than being seen as a one-path-one-goal-only activity.

For more writings, sign up for my newsletter here. Weekly newsletter is intentionally created with reflection themes, running tips, and updates.