Trust the Nonlinear Process
I think the only time running followed a linear progression for me was in the beginning of my running journey when I went from not running to running. It was easy to feel like I was moving seamlessly from point A to point B to point C when there were so many firsts that tapped into my potential. What I’ve come to learn in the past decade of running is that running is not a linear process. The process of running is more like water: there is movement forward and movement backward. Sometimes the waters are rocky and sometimes the waters are calm and flat. Sometimes it’s smooth sailing and sometimes it’s a fight against the current. There’s always some kind of movement happening, even if doesn’t feel that way.
As a whole, from a zoomed out perspective, running appears to be linear. In the past decade I have gone from not running to running an ultramarathon (linear in terms of distance) and I have PR’d all the distances I have ran (linear in terms of time). When you zoom in, however, what you see is more of an up and down progression to my running. Yes, I ran an ultramarathon, but I’m done with anything past 13.1 miles and I’m currently focusing on the 5K distance. Yes, I have PRs, but those were years ago and recent attempts haven’t produced new PR times. There are patches were I feel great as a runner, patches were I feel defeated as a runner, and long stretches where I grind away in search of the next great patch. It’s a few strides forward and more meters back before I stride forward again. It’s a process, that’s for sure, but it isn’t a linear one.
The key to getting through these nonlinear phases - where things feel like they are either moving backwards or not moving at all - is remembering why I even started running in the first place. Remembering my WHY for running brings me back to my true reasons for running, which have nothing to do with time or distance. I run because I can, because it helps me feel strong, and, most importantly, because it helps me better connect to myself.
When I recall my WHY I remember that running is a competition of Me versus Me. It cannot be Me versus Anyone Else because that’s unfair to me. No one else lives through the exact same circumstances as I do, nor do they process their life experiences quite like I do. Trying to compete against others distracts me from my own process and takes away from the uniqueness I bring to my running.
It also cannot be Me versus Previous Me because that previous version is now gone. While Previous Me set the foundation for this current version of me, there is no returning to that person. I can’t compare myself to the runner I was 10 years ago because, again, it’s not fair to the current version of me that has grown in knowledge and experience over the past 10 years. Plus, for me, 10 years makes a huge difference in terms of my needs for rest, fuel, and recovery. Competing against Previous Me invalidates where I currently am and it keeps me stuck in the past; not where I want to be when everything with running is about forward motion. Trying to go back to a Previous Me blocks out my vision for the future the potential that lies ahead. I can find motivation in the past, but I cannot live there or strive to go back there.
Finally, it cannot be Me versus a Future Me because that future version doesn’t even exist yet and I would be competing against some unknown. For some that might work, but not for me. For me to accept and celebrate my trajectory as a runner, it has to be Me versus Current Me. I have to meet myself where I’m at now, even when I’m feeling challenged and especially when I’m feeling like I’m moving backwards with running. To compete against myself now brings me back to my WHY and helps me appreciate the nonlinear process of running. Similar to Me versus Previous Me, focusing on competing against Future Me creates a limiting barrier that blocks out my vision for what I can accomplish; perhaps I could accomplish more if I focused on training where I’m at now and growing from there.
The nonlinear process frustrates me, but if I say that I’m in with Running for the long haul, then I need to accept whatever comes along this running journey. I would like the process of running to be linear so that running could feel easier, but part of what makes running so worth it for me is overcoming the nonlinear parts that test my love, commitment, and devotion to running. If I can make it through the unexpected rough patch in running, I can make it through rough patches in life. This is part of my WHY: remembering how strong I am on and off the run.
