Because I Can

Finish line photo from the March 2015 Chicago Lakefront 50K.

In 2015, I ran the Miami Marathon (January), Chicago Lakefront 50K (March), Berlin Marathon (September), and Chicago Marathon (October). Back then, my running was based on the simple principle and belief of “Because I Can.” Racing wasn’t driven by finish times, but by a curiosity as to what I could accomplish if I set my mind, heart, and legs to it. I was still a new runner then and there was so much joy in the process of trying.

I’ve written about my evolution as a runner in a previous blog post (“It's OK to Change: The Ever-Evolving Runner”) and this is part of that evolution. I went from being driven by that “Because I Can” mentality to wanting to get PRs. It went from being curious as to what I could do (expansive and open-ended) to being curious as to how quickly I could run (a little more rigid because it was set paces for set distances). That PR mentality nurtured many years of my running until it didn’t.

I remember the day the realization landed. I was talking to my my coach and she asked, “Is this a goal you have because you want it or is it a goal you have because that’s what everyone else is going after?” Granted, we were talking about a Boston Marathon qualifying time, but this question made me think hard about the quality and nature of MY relationship with running overall.

It was then that I switched my focus from running for time to running for a feeling. In the years since this switch, I’ve gone from running to feel strong to running to feel joy. Finish times are ever present, but how I view myself in relation to those times is what matters.

This brings me back, almost full circle, to where I started: Can I run to feel strong simply because I can? Can I run to feel joy simply because I can?

The answer to those questions will be a practice put into place every step of every run. Maybe the answer will be “No” on same days. Maybe the answer will be a resounding “YES” on others. And, maybe still, the answer will be a vulnerable “I don’t know.” Either way, I’m here to figure it out because I can.

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