Running and Motherhood
One of many stroller runs with my girls.
If you’ve been around here long enough, you are familiar with the origins of my running story: I started running in August 2012, when my daughters were 2 ½-years old and six-months old. I picked running because it was something I could do with my kids; it was easy to do with them and accessible enough to do whenever I could fit it into our schedule. Looking back, I realize that while it was accessible, it definitely wasn’t easy.
It took up until this year for me to fully grasp the reality that I started running as a postpartum person. There I was, six months after giving birth to my second daughter, choosing to do, for the first time with intention and consistency, something incredibly challenging. While I had run before, it was never like August 2012 when my focus was on training for and completing a 5K race. Again, it was six months after giving birth to my second daughter while I was still familiarizing myself with my changing body that I decided to pick up running as a sport and a hobby.
Knowing what I know now about postpartum running, I am in awe of what my body was able to accomplish in those first months of running. By the time I was one year postpartum, I had trained for and ran a half marathon. Some women get right back into running after giving birth and some take a while longer. I truly had no clue what I was doing and I’m so grateful that I had no clue because I had no expectations and no basis of Before for comparison.
I chose to start doing one of the hardest things I’ll ever do soon after doing one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I didn’t even know what pelvic floor recovery/strengthening was and I had no clue how to adjust nutrition to meet the demands of breastfeeding and running (things I now know more about). It really blows my mind how intertwined becoming a mother (to two) is with becoming a runner for me.
This week’s blog post is an ode to being a mother, being a runner, and being a mother runner. All the words in this blog post are reflective of my experience of balancing, juggling, and harmonizing these two very important identities.
How Motherhood Impacts Running.
For me, motherhood came before running. When I started running, I was in deep motherhood: body changing, adjusting to life with a new little human, adjusting to being a mother of two, and trying not to lose myself in all the mothering. Motherhood gave me the courage to even try running and running is where I could start to reconnect with myself outside of motherhood again. Motherhood reminds me that there are more important things than a bad run. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve come home from a tough or bad run and have had to quickly let the experience go because children needed to be fed or needed attention or wanted a hug. Motherhood also reminds me that time will pass; if I can make it through a 30-minute tantrum, I can make it through a 30-minute run. Motherhood reminds me that there is more to life than my experience of it which reminds me that there is more to running than just running. Motherhood has taught me how to be patient with myself and how to have love for myself; two incredibly important characteristics to have when working on big running goals. Motherhood has taught me that I will make mistakes and that, on some days, giving my best means I gave enough. This is also true with running: I’ll make the mistake of not fueling or hydrating properly or getting enough sleep, but I can give my best on a run and learn to celebrate myself for trying.
How Running Impacts Motherhood.
Running has taught me that I can do hard things as long as I can push myself to take one more step. Because running doesn’t care that I am a mother, I feel like I can be myself on the run. Running doesn’t want to hear how hard motherhood is, running wants me to give my all and be my best. Running is an investment I make in myself; every time I do the things that make sure I can show up powerfully for a run, I am also preparing myself for showing up powerfully in other areas of my life. If I am rested enough for a run, I am almost rested enough to keep up with my kids. Running is a choice I get to make for myself that then empowers me to make parenting choices that feel the best for my style of parenting. Running is a thing I do for myself; it’s a way to fill my cup so then I can help my children learn how to fill their own cups. Even when I was strapping kids into a stroller to run, I was the one doing the work of running and no one could take the sense of accomplishment away from me. Running has taught me the importance of consistency, dedication, and patience; all characteristics that are important to the developing mother identity and mother-child relationship. Running has taught me that even when a run feels like it’s going to break me, I can still come back and try again. Same thing goes with all the wins, losses, and bittersweet moments in motherhood. More than anything, running is a reminder that I am more than just a mother and that I am a person with dreams and goals that extend beyond the role of mother; remembering there is a version of me that exists beyond and outside of motherhood makes me an even better mother.
Being a Mother Runner.
What does it mean to be a “mother runner”? I’ve spent the past (almost) decade trying to figure out the answer to this. For me, being a mother runner means constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone when it comes to both being a mother and being a runner. It means I take advantage and run when I can because I know that running is something that helps me feel more grounded and calmer in my parenting. It means taking the lessons I learn on the run and applying them to how I parent. Running is a marathon, not a sprint and so is parenthood. Being a mother runner means taking the lessons I learn about myself as a mother and applying them to how I see myself as a runner. I am not a perfect mother (perfection is overrated) and I don’t need to be a perfect runner; what I do need to do is give myself the grace to show up as I am and give it my best.
Supporting a Mother Runner.
I know not everyone who reads this a mother and/or a runner. Maybe, however, you know a mother runner and you want to support her in being an awesome mother and a strong runner. Here are some suggestions for ways to support the mother runner in your life:
Tell her she’s doing great! We mother runners can be tough self-critics and can often feel like the ball is being dropped somewhere.
Food prep goes a long way. Help feed the kids and help feed the runner. One of the biggest helps I had during my Chicago marathon training was a smoothie prepared by my husband, waiting for me as soon as I got home from my runs. This small act of prepping my smoothie made the world of difference to the morning routine with the kids and showed me that my running goals were respected and valued.
Support her as a mother. Check in with her and let her express how hard parenthood is. A lot of us moms suffer in silence with the weight of motherhood because we don’t want to burden others and feel like we should be grateful. Exhaustion, overwhelm, joy, and gratitude can all exist at the same time.
Support her at races. Cheerleaders are the best, period. Celebrate her as a runner and let her bask in the glory of crossing the finish line.
Remind her that her running goals are important. Not only is the goal itself important, but it’s also important for her identity as a person who existed before she became a mother and continues to exist outside of motherhood.
Offer to watch the kids so she can run. Bonus points if you feed and bathe them, too.
If all else fails, ask how she’s doing and where she’d like support. Talk to her to see how she is managing things and how she is feeling about the demands on her time. Listen to what she has to say and only offer up solutions that you are willing to do. Trust me, she’s already thought up of a million solutions; what she needs is someone to act on them.
Motherhood and running: two of the hardest things a person will ever do, but also two of the most rewarding things a person can do. Both impact one another in profound ways and I hope this blog post shed a little light into that impact.
If you are a mother and a runner, I’d love to hear about your experience.
