Unasked Question
A segment of the weekly newsletter is a weekly theme and this blog post is an enhancement to that section. Each weekly theme is an invitation and encouragement meant to help the reader better connect to themselves. Please note that the selected themes can be reflected upon at any time and are not limited to the week the themes are shared and published.
Theme: Unasked Question
Have you ever heard the saying, “The answer to every unasked question is ‘No’”? If you have, then you know where this week’s theme of Unasked Question is going. If you haven’t heard the saying before, then let me elaborate on the saying:
The answer is always “No” because you haven’t taken the chance or mustered up the courage to ask in the first place. There is no “What if” because there is no question to begin with. The possibility or potential of a “Yes” is left untapped because the question is never asked. You have already told yourself “No” by not asking.
Yes, it can be scary to ask questions that can lead to big changes or perhaps set you on a path outside of your comfort zone, but never asking means nothing will ever happen. This week’s invitation is to get curious about where the unasked questions lie in your life and explore what may be holding you back or stopping you from asking. Your dreams and desires are waiting for you on the other side of those unanswered questions.
Practices for Reflection
Start by taking a five deep breaths to ground yourself. Then, reflect on any or all of the following questions:
What, if any, unasked questions do you have?
What resistance do you have when it comes to asking your question?
What are the potential outcomes of asking your question?
What do you have to lose by asking the question? What do you have to gain?
Can you think of an instance where you asked a big question and things worked out better than you could have imagined for yourself?
Personal Reflection
My growth depends on me asking those unask-able questions I am afraid to ask. I won’t lie, it sucks. It’s not even that I’m necessarily afraid to ask, it’s that I’m afraid of the rejection. However, I am already facing rejection by not even asking and this created self-rejection sets me on a path of negative self-talk and feelings of “Who do I think I am to even desire this?” I have claimed a “no” without actually knowing if the “no” was mine to claim. It’s a cycle that keeps me stuck in the land of wondering. I have to remind myself that I create possibility for myself by asking; even if the answer to my asked question is “no,” I have created a connection with someone that most likely didn’t exist before. The unasked “no” of not knowing is worse than the asked “no, but…”
Yes, rejection is there in those moments where I have asked the unasked question and gotten a “no,” but so is a sense of pride in myself for having put myself out there and having had the courage to ask in the first place. I affirmed that I can get a “no” and survive it. Those moments of “no” bring me to the idea that “your rejection is your protection” because the “no” gives me clarity and an opportunity to get curious about my desires: Is a “no” from this person a “no” from everyone? Does the “no” make me stop wanting what I am wanting? The “no” then serves as a guidepost; one that helps me pause, redirect, or pivot my efforts.
Sometimes the answer to my question is “yes” and it leaves me wondering why I hesitated to ask in the first place. If the question came up, then it is my duty to see it through with detachment. A “no” isn’t a “no about me and a “yes” isn’t a “yes” about me. The answer to the question is an answer to what the question is about, not me personally. That right there is the crux of this week’s theme of “Unasked Question” for me: Can I ask the question that brings me closer to my dreams, desires, and goals without letting the answer to that question feel like a reflection and rejection of me? The answer to the question may be “no” but it is not a “no” that defines me; it’s a “no” that directs me. Similarly, a “yes” may validate what I am desiring to do, but it doesn’t validate me as a person; I existed before the question was asked and I will continue to exist after the question was answered.
