Week 5 - Marathon Musings: Calling It Quits
Baby Runner Steph after her first half marathon: Miami, 2013
If there’s one thing I am truly grateful for in all my years of running it’s the ability to have perspective on the importance of seeing running as a long-arching story. At this point, I’ve been through countless training cycles for 5Ks, half marathons, and marathons and have been running at a high level (for me, this means I’m always ready to run a half marathon) injury-free since the spring of 2013.
When I first started running, every run was a big deal that needed to get done because, if I veered from the training plan, I would have to catch-up in order to stay on track. The mileage and the workouts were very much so set in stone for me. I was in the habit of making up workouts, adding miles here and there to make up whatever I missed, and forcing myself to run when I would have benefited more from resting. I thought that if I missed a run, I would miss my goal.
Now, with more running and racing experience under my belt, I know that missing a run or a workout doesn’t make or break a goal, let alone the work of an entire training cycle. Running is a thing I do and being a runner is a big part of my identity, but being an athlete who goes after big goals is more than just one run (or even a few runs!).
A recent example: My last long run was supposed to be 15 miles; the first 15-miler of this training cycle. I had a late dinner the Friday before the run and knew it could potentially impact me negatively on my run. I gambled and lost as I woke up Saturday morning feeling awful. So awful, in fact, that I couldn’t keep down my usual pre-run meal. I was still hopeful that I could get my run done and had a plan for run-walk intervals to add more recovery time to the run. I started the run, still not feeling great, but still hopeful that I could manage to get to 15 miles. The first gel went down ok, but the second gel landed so hard that I wanted to throw up. The thought of eating anything else on my run unsettled my stomach so much that even the walk intervals started to feel uncomfortable. At mile 4.5 I made the decision to end the run and make my way back to my car – these were the longest 3.5 miles!
In those 3.5 miles I thought about how much I have grown as a runner because a previous version of myself would have freaked out over missing the first 15-miler of the training cycle. There was even a part of me that thought I could finish the mileage later in the day or perhaps even run the mileage the next day. Something about not being able to do this run triggered my insecurities about my ability to run the marathon in October. I was letting one run influence the next 12 weeks of training while simultaneously using that one run to diminish the past decade of consistent running.
I went through all the reasons why missing this 15-miler was the best choice for me at the moment:
There’s still plenty of training left to do. You’ve got time.
You’ve done a lot strong training so far already. You’ve been consistent.
You did your best today and 8 miles is still 8 miles in the Chicago Marathon bank.
Running is supposed to fit into Life and sometimes Life gets extra Life-y and that’s OK. Lesson (re)learned about late dinners.
This one run won’t make or break this training cycle; only injury can do that.
I can’t properly fuel this run and forcing the run may affect not only my ability to recover from this run, but also my ability to be ready for future runs.
So, I didn’t run the 15 miles and in that I reminded myself that my goals are always greater than one run and that one run is simply that: one run sandwiched by lots of other runs.
I went from feeling guilty about calling it quits to feeling empowered by my ability to make a decision that took a global view of my running.
I went from feeling like a failure because I couldn’t get it done to taking myself out of the equation so that I could view the run objectively as something that didn’t go well because pre- and on-the-run fueling weren’t setting the run up for success.
I could do better next time because there will be a next time and, in a week, there will be another long run. The training will continue regardless of how this one run went because the goal was always something bigger than this one run.
Even as I look forward to Chicago, I know that my goals as a runner are greater than the race itself. I want to run injury-free for as long as possible because I want a body and mind that are healthy enough to continue to experience running and the racing environment. When I think of myself 20-30 years from now, hopefully still running, I know that Future Me won’t even remember this one missed run. What she’ll remember instead is that I kept running, even when things felt hard, and that my curious love of running took me on some great adventures on and off the run.
My hope for you, as you chase your goals, is that you always remember that sometimes the best choice is to call it quits and walk away. Taking care of yourself today sets the stage for how you show up for yourself tomorrow. This one moment matters, but so do all the moments to come. You deserve the best of you.
Marathon History:
2014 Chicago Marathon
2015 Miami Marathon
2015 Berlin Marathon
2015 Chicago Marathon
2016 Chicago Marathon
2016 NYC Marathon
2017 Chicago Marathon
2018 Chicago Marathon
2021 Chicago Marathon
2023 London Marathon
2023 Marine Corps Marathon
Marathon Musings series:
12 weeks until Chicago. Week 5 of musings written and shared. Some weeks the runs go as planned and some weeks they don’t; it’s all part of the process of becoming a marathoner.
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