Week 3 - Marathon Musings: Mentally A Marathoner
2014 Chicago Marathon finisher photo.
When I ran my first marathon, I had no clue what to expect from the experience. I trained using a plan I found online and logged all the miles the plan recommended. I don’t remember if I even incorporated speed. What I do remember, however, is the feeling of joy as I ran most of my miles along the Lakefront Trail in Chicago. I had Lake Michigan on one side and the Chicago skyline on the other. Regardless of the time I went out for my run, people were on the trail; I never felt alone, even though I ran all my miles by myself. The view of the skyline was both my anchor and my compass.
I ran my way to race day on October 12th, 2014. I was spoiled by running a marathon major that featured over 30,000 people making the same journey from start line to finish line. The sheer number of people running 26.2 miles left me speechless. Here I was, never a person who considered herself to be athletic or a runner, running a marathon with thousands of people. I was part of something bigger than myself! Like my Lakefront miles, I ran by myself, but the waves of people kept me moving forward. I was in awe of everything that day – the runners, the crowds, the city, the beer (shout out Goose Island!).
My goal was to finish in 4:30 and I surprised myself by finishing in 4:07. I couldn’t believe it! Not only did my body run 26.2 miles but it did it faster than I expected. As a mom of two little ones at the time, I remember likening the marathon to pregnancy and birth: training is like pregnancy, running the marathon is like labor, and being handed your medal is like being handed your baby. The main difference here being that after this experience, I wanted to run another marathon. So, I did and in 2015 I ran 3 marathons plus a 50K.
It wasn’t that I loved the distance per se, but I loved the uninterrupted time with myself and I loved that I got that time while working towards the big goal of crossing another marathon finish line. Running was becoming a part of my identity and a non-negotiable time within my family unit. “Mami is going for a run!” was music to my ears as it signaled to everyone that I was checking out of mom-mode and entering runner-mode and someone else was in charge for a little bit.
I ran and ran and hit a surprising PR in 2016. I followed a training plan from the Hansons and followed each workout as closely as possible. I thought that PR was the foundation for the next PR in 2017, so I pushed myself harder. Instead of 2017 being a year of faster times, the marathon that year was a moment of confronting how badly things can go in a marathon. I had the worse marathon experience of my life, and the seeds of a new thought were planted:
I know my body is capable of getting me from start line to finish line, but I have no clue what that journey is going to ask of my mind.
The goal of 2018 was to redeem myself by having a better experience. I didn’t care about times; I cared about finishing feeling strong with a smile on my face. I went into 2018 thinking it would be my very last marathon because I didn’t know if I could handle another heartbreak like 2017. The race went as hoped and I felt satisfied that the race was the conclusion of my marathon story.
After that race, I questioned myself every time I ran a half marathon: Would I want to run another 13.1 miles? The answer was a no with hints of maybe. That hint of maybe led me to the 2020 edition of the Marine Corps Marathon, a bucket list race that wasn’t a Major.
With 2020 came a pandemic and canceled races around the world. Running took on a different meaning during this time and, in many ways, brought my back to those early days of running where I was full of wonder and awe. Running had become a chore and the thing I did in service of a race, but the pandemic was an opportunity to connect to running differently. I wanted to run even if there weren’t races and I wanted to run because running helped me feel like a better person all around.
The next few years are what I like to call my “redefining years” as I focused my efforts inward: Who am I as a runner? What drives me as a runner? What do I want out of running? What does it even mean to be a runner? What does it mean to be a runner who doesn’t go after time goals?
Answering these questions meant my relationship with running changed from something I did to something I felt. I approached running with a “Just Try” mentality and the goal of feeling joy before, during, and after each run. If running was what I was choosing to do with my free time, how could I approach running remembering it was a choice? (Hint: it meant taking a more positive mental approach to running.)
The minute I thought about times, my running world closed in around me and I could feel the limits cutting into my mental space: I can’t nail the paces, there’s something wrong with me. I’m getting slower, why should I even bother? Running is hard. Running sucks. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I do any of this?
But thinking about feelings expanded my experience and guiding myself with a “Just Try” mentality invited in possibility, potential, and an abundance of reframes: I’m not getting slower, I’m practicing increasing my time-on-feet-feet. You are choosing to do this, so make the most of it. Running is a gift. This challenge is making you stronger. I am strong AF. I am more than this one run. This run doesn’t define me, I define me.
What I’ve learned in all my years of running is that running is more than left foot, right foot, repeat. Yes, you prepare your body to run through training, but you are also preparing your mind to endure the physical exhaustion and the mental doubts that come up as you run, move through training cycles, and complete races.
For me, being a marathoner is more than running 26.2 miles, it’s about believing in my ability to run 26.2 miles while being able to manage the negative thoughts that will inevitably come up when things get hard. Can I physically move forward while changing my thoughts to something that will remind me to keep trying, keep showing up, keep fighting, and keep smiling? I learned the hard way in 2023’s Marine Corps Marathon that the answer is yes. As I look forward to 2024 Chicago, my goal is to make sure the answer remains a yes.
Marathon History:
2014 Chicago Marathon
2015 Miami Marathon
2015 Berlin Marathon
2015 Chicago Marathon
2016 Chicago Marathon
2016 NYC Marathon
2017 Chicago Marathon
2018 Chicago Marathon
2021 Chicago Marathon
2023 London Marathon
2023 Marine Corps Marathon
Marathon Musings series:
14 weeks until Chicago. Weel 3 of musings written and shared. I never saw myself as a marathoner and, looking back, I still can’t believe that I’ve done the things I have done. It was my curiosity about the edges of my comfort zone that brought me to where I am today. So, here’s to staying curious and remembering that consistency in trying is enough.
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